Do you know what to look for when it comes to picking the ideal romantic partner? Do you know the qualities that are truly important when seeking to establish a lasting relationship?
I’ll admit–I haven’t always been great at picking winners when it comes to love. I’ve fallen for great looks/no brains, charming personality/no job, great job/self-absorbed…you get the picture. It wasn’t until my first marriage fell apart that I finally took the time to look at the qualities that truly mattered to me in a partner.
In order to establish what qualities were absolute must-haves for me, I first had to get crystal clear on the qualities that I myself wanted to possess and then I had to think in terms of qualities that a partner could have to complement those qualities of my own. I had to promise myself not to settle for something less than what I knew that I wanted and deserved…even if it meant being alone for a while. I had to visualize my perfect partner in my mind before I knew if he even existed. I had to think about the kind of partnership that I wanted to be involved in and what my contribution to that partnership would be. All of this forethought wasn’t necessarily easy–but in retrospect, I can see that maintaining my standards and waiting for the right man to come along was DEFINITELY worth it.
One thing that really helped me in this partner picking process was having a clear and defined list of qualities that were vitally important to me. These qualities were so important to me that I had decided that if any guy lacked even one of the qualities–he wasn’t the guy for me. It might sound cut-throat or rigid, but I had already spent far too many miserable years with the wrong man so I was no longer willing to compromise on things that were important to me. As it turned out–the list worked. I found a man who is by no means perfect but who is absolutely perfect for me.
If you are currently single but longing to find your FabYOUlous partner; consider making a list of your own and then set your intention to finding a partner who meets your criteria. Here are the twelve non-negotiable qualities that were on my list…use them if they apply but feel free to add qualities that are important to you. Most importantly–DO NOT SETTLE. You are far too FabYOUlous to be with anyone less than what you want & deserve.
My Perfect Partner Must…
1.) Accept the fact that my sons and I are absolutely a package deal. My boys are my number one priority and I will only be with a man who can accept that fact. I expect my perfect partner to support my role as a mother and to be willing to nurture a loving relationship with my sons.
2.) Have chemistry with me and be nice. I want to feel sparks when we kiss and chemistry when we are together. I want to feel a thrill when my man walks into the room. I also expect common courtesy and genuine kindness. Courtesy & kindness will go a long way in keeping the passion alive in our relationship.
3.) Be compatible with me. I know that the saying “opposites attract” may be true–but I’m looking for more than just attraction. I want to be with someone with whom I share common interests. I want a partner who will share my love of sports, travel, music and cultural activities. I don’t expect my partner to take up knitting or running (two things that I enjoy) but I do expect to be able to enjoy activities like baseball games and concerts together.
4.) Allow me to be my own person. I am DONE trying to be someone that I’m not just to appease someone else. My perfect partner must accept me for who I am and allow me to have my own thoughts, values and opinions–even if/when they differ from his.
5.) Have a great sense of humor. A relationship without laughter is NOT FabYOUlous. My perfect partner must have a fun sense of humor that isn’t mean or condescending. I love a good joke and someone who can laugh easily. I especially love someone who can laugh at himself.
6.) Have similar morals and values. Yes–we are individuals and have our own individualized belief systems but I want to be with a man whose values align closely with mine. We don’t necessarily need to support the same political party or read the same kind of books but I do want to be with someone who has similar values when it comes to things like family, faith and finances.
7.) Be humble enough to apologize when he’s wrong and gracious enough to accept an apology when I’m wrong. There is nothing that is more emotionally exhausting than being with someone who must ALWAYS be right…even when they are 100% dead wrong. We are human. We make mistakes. I will do my best to own up and take responsibility for my mistakes but I expect my partner to be willing to do the same.
8.) Be absolutely faithful to me. I will not tolerate a cheater. Ever. Period.
9.) Understand that I have lofty goals and aspirations and be willing to support me as I strive to turn my dreams into reality. I need a partner who is not intimidated or threatened by a strong, ambitious woman. There are things that I want to accomplish in this lifetime and I fully intend to make them happen. I want to be with a man who is capable of encouraging my dreams while also pursuing dreams of his own. I don’t want to feel like my man is in constant competition with me–instead, I want the two of us to be each other’s biggest cheerleaders as we turn our dreams into reality.
10.) Share the load. A partnership is just that…a partnership. No one person should be expected to shoulder the burdens of a relationship alone. I expect my partner to contribute financially, emotionally and physically to our relationship. Whether it is dealing with the family budget or divvying up household chores, I expect my man to do his part. I spent WAY too many years trying to keep things afloat while being drug under by someone who wasn’t willing to do his part to make the relationship successful. That is NO way to live and I am not interested in that type of parasitic relationship again. I expect my man to help me carry the load so that we can also share equally together in the rewards of our union.
11.) Be willing to seek help if/when it is needed. Relationships can be tough and sometimes even the most loving couples need a little help. I want to be with a man who loves me and values our relationship enough to be willing to seek the outside guidance of a counselor if it becomes necessary.
12.) Grow with the flow. Life is unpredictable and sometimes s#*t just happens. I want a partner who is flexible enough to bend without breaking and adaptable enough to adjust the sails when things get off course. We are a team and together we can create a FabYOUlous life if we understand that relationships are a balance of give & take and that the synergy created through our relationship allows us to be stronger together than we would be as separate individuals.
If you think this list check list sounds rigid–you’re right; it is. However; I believe with all of my heart that more women would be involved in more FabYOUlous relationships if they would decide ahead of time on the non-negotiable standards that they expect a partner to meet and stick to their guns rather than sacrificing their standards in order to avoid being alone. Being single is NOT bad–being in an unhealthy relationship with the wrong person is. Yes, my list might be rigid and my standards high but, I am okay with that because I know that I deserve a man who meets these criteria–and guess what…I found him. I also know that there is nothing on this list that I myself, am not also willing to contribute to the relationship.
So…if you are still hoping to find the perfect partner to spend your life with; get out a pen and some paper and start listing the attributes that are important to you. Once your list is complete, start picturing your partner in your mind and imagining your life together. Your perfect partner might not arrive immediately, but I do believe with all of my heart that they will arrive when the time is right. Give it a shot–you’ve got nothing to lose and a FabYOUlous relationship to gain!