This month’s Fab Factor is HUMOR and that seems appropriate since we started the month off with April Fool’s Day and today (here in Colorado where I live) we are dealing with Mother Nature’s sense of humor as we dig out from a spring snowstorm (after it was in the high 70’s last week!)

Humor is a quality that is so endearing and yet often undervalued in today’s society. When I first met my husband, I knew right away that I was smitten. He was tall and handsome and kind and yet, there was something more that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. As I lay awake that night pondering the events of our first date, it occurred to me that I had spent a lot of the evening laughing. My hubby (though I didn’t quite have him pegged as my future husband just yet–that didn’t happen til around the 4th date–HA!) was genuinely funny. His sense of humor was so evident as he told me silly stories about him and his daughter and in his gentle teasing nature. I was dazzled by his looks, impressed with his manners and truly delighted by his sense of humor. Now, nearly nine years later, it is that same sense of humor that brings a sense of fun to our marriage and helps to keep me from getting too serious when work and family demands start to stress me out. He is still delighting me every single day, and though the dashing good looks and wonderful manners are still there–it is his humor that I find myself most drawn to.

The cool thing about humor is that not only does it bring more pleasure and enjoyment to life; it also provides real, tangible health benefits as well.

“Your sense of humor is one of the most powerful tools you have to make certain that your daily mood and emotional state support good health.”

~Paul E. McGhee Ph.D

A powerful antidote to stress, conflict and pain; nothing works faster or more effectively to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. A healthy sense of humor and the ability to share a hearty laugh has immeasurable value when it comes to supporting physical, emotional and social well being.

Physical Benefits of Humor

-Prevents heart disease: Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against cardiovascular problems including heart attack.

-Boosts immunity: Laughter increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, while decreasing stress hormones, thus improving your resistance to disease.

-Fights pain: Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.

-Relaxes the body: A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.

Emotional Benefits of Humor

-Relaxes and recharges: A good sense of humor reduces stress and increases energy, enabling you to stay focused and accomplish more.

-Releases distressing emotions: Simply put–you can’t feel anxious, angry, or sad when you’re laughing.

-Shifts perspective: A humorous perspective creates psychological distance, which can help you to avoid feeling overwhelmed and allow you to see situations in a more realistic, less threatening light.

Social Benefits of Humor

-Improved relationships: All emotional sharing builds strong and lasting relationship bonds, but sharing humor and play also adds joy, vitality, and resilience to relationships.

-Promotes spontaneity: Humor gets you out of your head and away from your troubles thus allowing you to be more “in the moment” and spontaneous.

-Tears down walls: Humor helps you to forget judgments, criticisms, and doubts. This allows you to see people for who they really are and connect on a more authentic level.

Despite the numerous benefits that humor can bring to our lives, there are still some people for whom humor doesn’t come naturally. Fortunately, humor is a trait that can be learned and cultivated–it just takes a little practice. If you tend to be someone who takes life a bit more seriously than necessary, try the following suggestions to incorporate more humor into your days…

Seven Fab-YOU-lous Ways to Add More Humor to Your Life…

1.) Hang out with fun, playful people. Humor is contagious. By spending time with people who know how to laugh (at themselves and at life), you will begin to see things more humorously as well. Watching as others incorporate more play into their lives will also help you to do the same. Who knows, maybe you can be the one to inspire your friends to more playfulness by inviting them over for a night of Drunken Jenga.

2.) Learn a few jokes: Everyone appreciates a good joke and everyone appreciates someone who can tell a good joke. You can be the one to brighten someone’s day with a chuckle just by having a few good jokes memorized. Here’s one to get you started–What’s the difference between snowmen and snow women? Snowballs!  Hahaha! Okay–it’s a little off color, but admit it–you laughed.

3.) Gravitate towards laughter: Sometimes humor and laughter are private, a shared joke among a small group, but that’s usually not the case. More often, people are very happy to share something funny because it gives them an opportunity to laugh again and feed off the humor that you find in it. When you hear laughter, seek it out and ask, “What’s so funny?”

4.) Surround yourself with reminders to lighten up: Keep a toy on your desk or in your car. Put up a funny poster in your office. Choose a computer screensaver that makes you laugh (mine is a Calvin & Hobbes cartoon). Frame photos of you and your family or friends having fun. All of these things will serve as reminders to you to keep things in perspective and celebrate the fun and humorous moments in life.

5.) Laugh at yourself: Laughing at others can be cruel, but laughing at yourself can be a great mood booster. When you can sense that you need to lighten up, remember–the best way to take yourself less seriously is to talk about times when you took yourself too seriously.

6.) Smile: Smiling is the beginning of laughter. Like laughter, smiling is contagious. Pioneers in “laugh therapy,” find that it is possible to laugh without even experiencing a funny event. The same holds for smiling. When you look at someone or see something even mildly pleasing, practice smiling–you’ll be amazed at how many smiles you’ll receive in return.

7.) Pay attention to children: Kiddos are naturals when it comes to humor and play. Just spending some time with little ones is sure to put a smile on your face and humor in your heart.

Humor, more than nearly any other attribute is one that can break down barriers, strengthen bonds, shift perspectives and bring more enjoyment to life. No wonder it makes the cut as one of our twelve Fab Factors for a FabYOUlous life.

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We all know that having friends feels good. It’s great to have someone to laugh and share stories with while also having the assurance that someone has your back if things go wrong. But…can friendship also be an effective means of fighting depression? Can good moods truly be contagious? According to a recent study by Thomas House, senior lecturer in applied mathematics at the University of Manchester, the answer to that question is YES!

It has long been suspected that bad moods could be “caught”–in fact, there is even a book on the market titled, Depression is Contagious. The research in this new study however; refutes that claim while yet supporting the notion that good moods can, in fact, be contagious. This is good news for anyone who is battling the case of the blues.

In this study, researchers looked at data from more than 2000 high school students who took a survey of depression symptoms, and who also provided data on their friends over a period of six to twelve months. Students who initially scored as clinically depressed did not appear to “infect” their friends. However; if the clinically depressed student had enough friends who had (what the study referred to as) “healthy moods” (in that they didn’t meet the criteria for clinical depression), it doubled the depressed student’s chances of recovering from their depression. Additionally, those students who weren’t depressed in the first place cut their chances of developing depression in half simply by hanging out with emotionally healthy friends. That’s a fairly significant effect and supports previous research showing that high quality relationships do in fact lower a person’s risk of depression.

What about the reverse though? If happiness is contagious–why does the new study suggest that the same is not true for depression? House states that the model for this most recent study has an advantage over other previous studies that seemed to suggest that depressive symptoms tended to appear in clusters within social networks. House believes that when there are clusters of people who are depressed, there is most likely a third factor at play; perhaps they are all “heavily drinking or they are all doing something else that makes them more predisposed to depression”, House says. When speaking of the new study however; House states that “our method wasn’t susceptible to that because we looked at direct changes of state. We were…directly observing this process of your friend influencing you and the nice conclusion that we got was that your friends can protect you from depression and help you to recover from it.”

Even if depression can’t actually be caught per se, it is important to note that spending time with a depressed friend can still take a toll. House states, “we’re not saying that you have no negative effect on your friends’ mood but just that it isn’t enough to push them into full clinical depression.”

What then does this mean for emotionally healthy individuals who are friends with someone who struggles with depression? One theory of social support and depression suggests that whether relationships have a positive effect or not, depends upon if the depressed individual feels as though the relationship is meeting his/her basic psychological needs–autonomy, competence and relatedness. For example, a friend who helps out a depressed individual by lending a hand with chores or errands can have a positive impact on that individual’s emotional state but only if the depressed individual sees the help as an expression of love rather than something that is taking away his/her control.

Certainly, having a relationship with someone who is depressed can be a challenge. It’s hard to hear a friend say negative things about herself and it is hard to know how to help. However; according to House’s new research, it appears that simply being present can make an impactful difference. This is FabYOUlous news for all who struggle with the burden of depression as well as for those who love them.

I remember singing those words a hundred years ago when I was a young girl attending Girl Scout camp.

Okay–so maybe it wasn’t quite 100 years ago, but still…it was over three decades ago and the crazy thing is–some of the girls that I attended that camp with are still, to this day, dear friends of mine. In fact, I am blessed to be able to say that my first best friend (before we were even old enough to understand the concept of a best friend) is still my best friend to this day (I’m looking at you Mia!)

Friendship…I can’t imagine life without it. There is no better feeling than that of knowing that there are people in this world who love and accept you just the way you are. I for one would be absolutely lost without my precious “broad squad” and I give thanks for them every single day.

While I have been blessed to have some wonderful life-long friendships, there have also been times when I was faced with the prospect of having to make new friends. This happened when I went away to college and again when I left all of my family and friends behind to move to another state. Both of these experiences took some adjustment and forced me out of my comfort zone; however, both experiences resulted in additional friendships with more incredible women that I am blessed to have in my life.

If you are faced with a situation where you need to make new friends–or maybe you’re just looking to expand your current circle of friends, follow these 12 easy tips to make friends the easy way.

12 Easy Tips for Making Fab-YOU-lous Friends

1.) Talk to strangers. Yes–I know, mama always told you not to talk to strangers. Well…you’re no longer four years old so talking to strangers is perfectly acceptable and a great way to make a new friend. If you’re in line at the post office next to someone who looks fun–strike up a conversation. If you can’t think of anything to talk about–talk about how sloooow the line at the post office is. Who knows, maybe you’ll discover that you have kids the same age or that you both like to run. Even if you don’t discover anything to base a potential friendship on, you’ve at least killed some time in line at the post office.

2.) Take a class. It is always fun to learn new things in areas that interest us. I’ve taken classes on everything from knitting to web design to money management. The best things about these classes is that I always walk away with a lot more than just increased knowledge–I walk away with a new friend or two as well. When I register for a class, I automatically know that I will be meeting new people with whom I already share one common interest (the class subject matter). The next step is simply showing up for the class and being friendly and approachable. I’m always amazed at the way things just tend to work out–the universe just seems to have a way of bringing the right people into my orbit and from there we are able to make meaningful connections and cultivate developing friendships. I’m sure that the same will be true for you as well. If you need some ideas on where to look for interesting classes, here are a few suggestions to consider…

Williams-Sonoma:Your inner epicure will delight in Williams-Sonoma’s weekly one hour technique classes. You can find a schedule of their weekly classes on their website.

Bass Pro Shops, Cabela’s, REI: If you are interested in honing your outdoor adventure skills, these three stores offer a variety of classes on everything from   fly-fishing and archery to kayaking and camp cooking. Check your local store for class schedule.

Jo-Ann Fabric and Craft Stores, Michaels: Both of these stores offer a wide variety of in-store sewing, crafting, cake decorating, jewelry making etc. classes. Check with your local store to see what interesting classes are coming up.

Guitar Center: Try strumming a few bars in an in-store 60 minute guitar lesson for beginners.

Home Depot, Lowes: Whether you want to learn to build a birdhouse for your backyard or a backyard for your birdhouse–these two stores offer a variety of hands on DIY classes to help you build confidence in your handy-man, craftsman skills. Check with you local store for a full listing of upcoming classes and workshops.

Your local Cooperative Extension Service or Recreation Commission: From organic gardening to beginning tap dancing, your local Extension Office or Recreation Commission has a lot of wonderful classes to choose from.

3.) Attend a Conference. Just like taking a class will expose you to new people with similar interests, so will attending conferences. I attended my first ever blog conference back in February and am enjoying new friendships with several gals that I met while at the conference. Even though we all live in different states, we are able to use social media, email and good old fashioned phone calls to grow our friendships.

4.) Get Physical. Whether you truly enjoy working out or are just doing it because you know that you need to, there are plenty of other people in the same boat. Try joining a running group or signing up for a pilates class. While it might be tough to maintain any friendly chit-chat while you’re huffing and puffing (and grunting, crying, cursing etc.) there is always time to do a little friendly mingling before and after your workouts.  Another twist on this suggestion is to join a local team for a sport that you love. Several years ago, I joined a co-ed softball team called the Sons of Pitches (I’m not kidding–that’s really our name). When I joined, I didn’t know anyone on the team except for my husband. Now, several years later–the Sons of Pitches are some of my favorite people and I love spending time with them–on and off the field.

5.) Get a dog. Not only are dogs man’s best friend–their owners can be pretty cool too. If you are looking to meet some genuinely nice people, grab your pooch (or borrow your friend’s pooch) and head to the local dog park. Dog owners love their dogs and they love talking about their dogs. So whether your four legged friend is a Bullmastiff or a Pekapoo, as long as they are friendly towards other animals, grab a frisbee and head to the park for some fun and friend making.

6.) Have a kid. Okay–having a child might not be the best tactic if your goal is simply to make friends–there are lots of other less painful, cheaper and less exhausting ways to make friends. However; if you already have kids, they can be a great way to connect with other fun parents and form lasting friendships. My oldest son is nearly 20 years old, but when he was just a little guy (like three years old) I attended a playgroup where I met my friend Amy who also had a little boy. Amy and I bonded over all of the things that moms of boys would bond over (bugs, dirt, toy cars, dinosaurs, emergency room visits etc.) Our friendship continued to develop over the years as our sons entered school, played sports, got drivers licenses, went on dates etc. Now, Amy and I live in separate states and yet she is still one of my closest friends and our relationship is one that I will always cherish.

7.) Carpool to work. Not only is carpooling economical and good for the environment–it can also help you to make friends. I have a friend who used to drive an hour to Denver every day for work. She was getting fed up with the headache of battling traffic everyday and the expense of constantly filling her tank with gas so she joined a carpool service. By sharing a ride with others, my friend has now made two new close friends that she enjoys hanging out with beyond just their carpool time.

8.) Steal friends from friends. Okay–I know that this was a BIG no-no back in fourth grade but we’re all adults now right? Besides, I look at this more as sharing than stealing since everyone involved remains friends.  Here’s how it works–my friends are amazing people and as amazing people, they are connected to other amazing people. I have been blessed to meet many of my friends friends and thereby become friends with their friends myself. There’s no mean gossip or backstabbing going on–just new friendships being forged. We connect with others because our spirits are attracted to each other so it only makes sense that we would also be attracted to those whose spirits are are also attracted to those of our friends. Of course you’ll want to be careful to avoid leaving anyone out or causing hurt feelings, but there is no reason that you can’t also become friends with your friends friends.

9.) Volunteer. There are so many good causes out there that are in need of great volunteers. Find a cause that speaks to your heart and then commit to giving your time and talent to an organization that supports that cause. As you do so, you will meet other like-minded individuals who have the same passions as you. As the Executive Director for a nonprofit breast cancer support center, I have had the pleasure of watching some of our amazing volunteers form deep and lasting friendships with each other. They were drawn together by a mutual desire to make a positive difference, and through their commitment to a cause they have forged relationships built upon shared passions and a desire to serve.

10.) Connect with your Alumni Association. I live in a different state from where I attended college and yet, through my involvement with my college Alumni Association, I have been able to meet and form relationships with others in my area who graduated from my same university. It has been so fun to share stories of our days at good ol’ Fort Hays State University and I now have two friends that I didn’t know during our college days, but have become close to now as adults. I’ve experienced this same phenomenon with my sorority as well. Though my college sorority doesn’t have a local chapter where I live now, I’ve been able to connect with other Alpha Gamma Delta alumni members in my local area. We may not have attended college at the same school, but having a shared sorority sisterhood has helped us to forge fun and lasting friendships.

11.) Join a club. What are your hobbies? Do you like to sew, read, dance or cook? Chances are, if there is an activity that you enjoy–others enjoy it too and have likely started a club for it. What better way to make friends than to seek out others who share your same passions? If you don’t know of a club for your particular interest–start one! Run an ad in your local paper or on your community online message board announcing your club’s formation. You can also use the power of the internet to seek out clubs via interest websites such as Meetup.com

12.) Be a friend. Regardless of how many of these tips you use to make new friends, there is one tip that still supersedes them all–if you want a friend, be a friend.  No amount of dog buying, club joining, carpooling or volunteering will help you if you aren’t friendly. People are drawn to happy, generous, optimistic people with shared interests. If you exude those qualities and treat others with kindness and respect–you’ll find yourself surrounded with fun new friends in no time.

True friendship is a priceless gift. Value it and you’ll see it grow into a treasure more precious than any amount of gold or silver.

“Friends are the family we choose for ourselves”

They wipe our tears when our hearts are breaking and they make us laugh without even trying.  There are many kinds of relationships in this world but few that are as therapeutic, enjoyable and FabYOUlous as the relationships that we have with our girlfriends.

When was the last time that you spent some quality time bonding with your besties?  If it has been a while, here is a list of some FabYOUlous, girlfriend get-together ideas that you’ll want to get on your calendar PRONTO so that you can celebrate the gift of FabYOUlous friendships!

—Take a Hike…Literally:  This is one of my favorite ways to bond with my girlfriends because I happen to live in beautiful Colorado and have the spectacular Rocky Mountains right in my backyard. There is beauty everywhere however; so whether your hike is through your metropolitan city park or along a babbling country creek, grab some friends, pack a lunch, fill your water bottle and head outdoors to discover some of the natural beauty that your region has to offer.  This activity is FabYOUlous on many different levels because it not only helps to connect you to your friends, it also provides a great physical workout and refreshes the spirit in a way that only fresh air and sunlight can.

No matter how you choose to spend your time with your gal pals–the important thing is to remember that these relationships are vital to our overall well being.  Don’t fall into the trap of letting these ties fall by the wayside when life gets hectic or difficult–that is often when we need the support of our friends the most.  Try to commit to spending one night a month with your friends and vary the activities to help keep everyone engaged.  The more we nurture and celebrate our female friendships…the more FabYOUlous life will be.

—Strike a Pose:  A picture is worth a thousand words right?  Then what could lift the spirits more than a few fun photos of you and your “broad squad” hamming it up?  Split the cost to hire a photographer for a couple of hours (or invite a friend who is a budding photog to join you), pick a fun location for your shots, dress in bright, happy colors and say CHEESE!  Not only will you have a great time and lots of laughs–you’ll end up with a frame worthy souvenir that will have you smiling every time you look at it.

—Start Your Own Diner’s Club:  Make plans to get together with your girls once a month to explore a different restaurant in your town.  Take turns choosing the place and agree ahead of time that everyone will enthusiastically give the restaurant and cuisine a chance.  If it weren’t for my girlfriends I never would have tried sushi and guess what…because of my girlfriends, I now know that I really, really do not like sushi.  That’s okay though because I had so much fun trying something new and laughing as I tried to gag down that raw fish that I barely remember the taste (well, that’s a lie–I actually do remember the taste quite well–BLECH!)  What I really remember from that night however, is the laughter (mostly at my expense but all in good fun) and the stories that were shared over those California Rolls (the only kind of sushi that I was actually able to stomach).  Japanese, Thai, Italian (now you’re talking–LOVE me some pasta!), vegan, seafood etc.–the possibilities are endless and not only will this type of girl’s night expand your palate; it’ll also help you catch up with friends while breaking bread.

—Book It:  Book clubs are all the rage these days and for good reason–they bring together groups of women with a common interest to exchange thoughts, drink wine and socialize.  Well, you don’t have to have a group of women to enjoy these same benefits; you can do the exact same thing with just one or two other friends.  Just take turns picking books from a variety of genres and then schedule a time to get together for coffee or wine to chat about what your’re reading.  The books don’t have to be anything deep or profound–just enjoyable.  Heck…right now, my friends and I are reading The Black Dagger Brotherhood series by JR Ward.  This is a series of books written about super sexy, bad ass vampires (none of whom “sparkle”–sorry Edward Cullen…)  We are definitely not talking Oprah book club material here, but we are LOVING the books and even more importantly, we are loving the time that we spend together chatting about the books.

—Get Cookin’:  Okay–I’ll confess, this one is a stretch for me because I do not generally enjoy cooking.  I have maybe seven meals that I can fix decently (not well, just decently). Fortunately, I do not necessarily need to be a great cook because I have teenage sons who will literally eat anything you put in front of them.  This however; does not mean that I wouldn’t like to expand my meal repertoire a bit.  One fun way of doing this is to form a food co-op with some friends where you all make multiple batches of one particular meal that you enjoy and then swap your meals with each other so that you end up with a week’s worth of meals for your family.  To make this extra fun–include the recipes on fun, printed recipe cards so that your friends will be able to replicate your dish in the future.

Another fun cooking idea is to enroll in cooking classes with your friends.  In most cities it is easy to find places to learn how to cook healthy low-fat meals, or cuisines from different parts of the world.  I personally, would probably pass on a sushi making class but I would love to learn how to prepare some healthy Mediterranean style meals for my family.  Not only will enrolling in a cooking class provide you with an opportunity to bond with your friends–it will also help you impress your family when you serve them something other than your “every Monday, because it’s Monday Tuna Casserole.”

—Get Sporty:  To me, the only thing better than spending a day at the ballpark is spending the day at the ballpark with my favorite people.  Whether you like to play or are strictly a spectator, sporting activities can provide a great avenue for “broad squad” bonding.  Whether it’s cheering for your favorite driver at the car races or perfecting your drive on the golf course…if it is something that you enjoy, increase the fun factor even more by inviting your friends to join you.

—Get Crafty:  Do you knit, crochet, scrapbook?  Do you want to learn to knit, crochet or scrapbook?  Why not schedule a craft night with your besties and knock out some projects that you’ve been meaning to complete?  I recently had a get together with some of my friends who were wanting to learn to crochet.  I taught them the basics of crochet and got them all started on a simple project.  It was great fun and now those gals are all as hooked on crochet (pardon the pun) as I am.  Whether you schedule a get together that is focused on one specific type of craft (Knitty Gritty Night sounds fun!) or just allow everyone to show up with whatever particular craft project they happen to be working on–a craft gathering can be a great way to relax, share patterns, learn new techniques and get some much needed girlfriend time.

—Educate Yourself:  Is there something that you’d like to know more about?  If so–there’s a good chance that a few of your friends would also like to know more about it.  We’re not talking about enrolling in college level advanced trigonometry classes here (unless of course that is your idea of fun, in which case…do you even have friends??) There are however lots of fun classes our there on everything from photography to yoga to salsa dancing.  There are often (depending upon what you’re wanting to learn) instructors who are willing to come to your home to offer a class to you and your friends on your own turf.  Some classes that I’ve enjoyed with friends include wine appreciation, self defense, website design and wreath making.  Seriously though…I’ve discovered that there are quality classes out there for almost any interest.  I’ve taken beginning woodworking classes at Home Depot and writing classes through a local author’s group.  Team up with your friends to multiply the fun while expanding your knowledge base.

—Sweat it Out:  Let’s face it…we all need to exercise.  Some people love it, others not so much.  Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum–burning calories can be far more enjoyable when joined by pals.  I am a runner and though there are definitely times that I prefer to run alone–I also benefit from occasional group runs where we chat and laugh as we log the miles. If taking care of our physical bodies is something that we all need to do anyhow–why not join together with friends and make it a little more fun right?  In my town there are numerous fitness classes available for a variety of skill levels.  So whether you’re into Yoga, Zumba, Kickboxing or Pole Dancing (yes–pole dancing for fitness is a real thing…I’ve tried it–it’s fun) you are sure to find something that will appeal to you and some of your friends.  If we’re going to work out–we might as well join forces with our pals and make the burn more bearable.

—Swap it up:  Have you ever looked into your crammed, over stuffed closet and thought to yourself, “I have nothing to wear”?  Of course you have…we all have.  Well, why not remedy the situation by organizing a swap night with some of your friends?  This is a great way to weed out items that you no longer wear while adding some new pieces (well, new to you anyhow…) to your wardrobe free of charge.  Even if you and your friends all wear different sizes, you can still swap items like scarves, purses, jewelry, etc.  My friends and I take part in a swap night twice a year–once in the spring and once in the fall.  I’ve only been involved in clothing/accessory swaps but I’ve heard of other groups who organize swap nights for things like household goods and children’s toys too.  Make your swap night into a seasonal event and don’t forget to donate any items that are left over to your local homeless shelter or Goodwill.

–Show Your Support:  There are SO many wonderful non profit organizations out there that need our support.  What better way to have fun with your friends than to do so while also helping out a local charity?  What causes are important to you?  Do you have a friend who is battling breast cancer?  Then, sign up for (or organize) a charity walk in her honor.  Do you love animals?  Enlist your friends to help you clean out kennels at the local animal shelter.  Buy a block of tickets to your favorite organization’s annual charity ball or spend an afternoon with your friends baking items for a fund raising bake sale.  The possibilities are endless and so are the good feelings that you and your friends will have afterwards.  If you need a suggestion of a good organization to support, visit www.RedCross.org.

No matter how you choose to spend your time with your gal pals–the important thing is to remember that these relationships are vital to our overall well being.  Don’t fall into the trap of letting these ties fall by the wayside when life gets hectic or difficult–that is often when we need the support of our friends the most.  Try to commit to spending one night a month with your friends and vary the activities to help keep everyone engaged.  The more we nurture and celebrate our female friendships…the more FabYOUlous life will be.

Bad News Betty:  She’s cool, rebellious and dark.  She appeals to that part of our psyche that wishes that we were more cool, rebellious and dark. She smokes, she drinks, she curses and she most definitely does not give a f**k what society thinks of her. If we were living in the movie Grease–she’d be Rizzo…and we’d love her (even if we were secretly a little scared of her.) The problem with friends like Bad News Betty is that the bad girl antics that so intrigue us, can also rub off on us in ways that are not so appealing.  Maybe it’s Betty who enticed you to smoke your first cigarette back in junior high (which eventually led to a pack a day habit that you had to work so hard to overcome) or maybe it was Betty who convinced you that you were okay to drive home after a night of partying which led to you getting a DUI that cost you your job and reputation. The deviant behavior that Bad News Betty types exhibit is often the result of deeper seated, unresolved emotional issues that most of us (unless we are trained counselors) are not qualified to diagnose and treat. So, whether it’s the fourth grade Betty who convinces you that it’s cool to shoplift a candy bar from the corner store, the college aged Betty who tells you that a line of coke will give you more energy to study for your physics final or the forty-something Betty who tries to seduce your husband (while pretending to be your friend)–these girls really are bad news and our lives (and reputations) will be far more FabYOUlous if we keep them at a safe distance.

Surface Level Sally:  Friends like Sally are fun and always up for a good time. They’ll bring the wine…and the gossip. They’re funny and charming and we genuinely enjoy their company.  Most of us have a handful of Sallies in our lives at any given time. They’re the gals that we’ll meet for after work cocktails or join for a quick dash to the mall for a dose of retail therapy. They are not however the friends that we call when our world falls apart. They look good and feel good on the surface, but, as enjoyable as the friendship might be–there is little depth or substance to the relationship. This doesn’t mean that we should cut ties with the Sallies in our lives however; we just need to recognize the role that they fill and not expect much more out of the relationship. Keep your friendship light and fun with Sally; there’s nothing wrong with that and it can serve an important function…we all need someone who can be counted upon to bring the wine.

Rainy Day Rhonda:  No matter how sunny it might be, we’ve all had (or currently have) that one friend who seems to have a perpetual dark cloud following her around. You know who we’re talking about here–it’s the friend who never feels good, hates her job, can’t find a decent relationship because all of the good guys are already taken…yadda yadda yadda. Her mood is always sullen and her outlook is never rosy. Why then do we allow these “glass half empty” girls into our circle of friends?  Wouldn’t we be happier without them?  Sometimes these friends appeal to the inner part of our psyche that longs to rescue people, but other times we keep these friends around because they make our lives seem so much better by comparison. Unfortunately, neither of these reasons is especially healthy when it comes to our own emotional health; we can’t rescue those who don’t really want to be rescued and using these individuals as a way to prop up our own egos is just, well…icky. In order to not get drawn into Rhonda’s vortex of misery, it is important that we have the self fortitude to establish firm boundaries with our own time and energy so that we don’t get drawn under that dark and depressing cloud with her.

Cheerleader Chelsea:  Two, Four, Six, Eight, who do we appreciate? Chelsea, Chelsea, YAY Chelsea! She might not actually have a short skirt or pair of pom poms (though we’d be willing to bet that she did when she was in high school) but Chelsea always has a smile on her face and a word of encouragement for anyone that is fortunate enough to be in her circle of friends. Chelsea is an optimist and as such, she is able to see the best in people and shine the spotlight on those positive qualities. She believes in you and encourages you to go for your dreams. She’ll rally behind you as you strive to make positive change in your life and she’ll help pick you up when you stumble. Chelsea cares for you and genuinely wants nothing but good things for you. She might seem a bit “Pollyannaish” at times, but when push comes to shove–her cheerful attitude and unfailing belief in your potential can serve as a huge boost that helps to propel you toward your FabYOUlous future.

Soul Sister Susan: Who knows you better than you know yourself? Who can sense (before you even say a word) how you are feeling? Who knows the darkest, most shameful secrets about you and yet loves you anyhow?  Susan does. Susan is more than just a friend, she feels instead almost like an extension of your own being. You might not be sisters by birth but you are most definitely sisters by choice. Susan will support you, fight for you, give to you and love you no matter what. She does these things freely and without expectation of reciprocation because she knows that you’d do the same for her (and you would). Susan’s come into our lives rarely, but when they do come, they stay. You may be separated by miles, but that won’t sever the ties between you and your Susan. Susan will make the effort to keep the relationship alive and vital. One of the best things about having a Susan in your life is the fact that Susan loves you enough to be real with you. She’ll give you hard truths when they are warranted and call you on your BS when you deserve it. She will not however, turn her back on you, give up on you or forget about you. As women, we may not have a lot of Susans in our lives but if we have only one we are FabYOUlously blessed.

As we think about the types of friendships that we experience throughout our lifetimes, it is also important to think about what kind of friend we are to others. Each type of friend that we encounter comes into our life for a specific reason–some are blessings while some are lessons…all however are valuable.  What kinds of friends do you currently have in your life? How are they helping to shape you into the FabYOUlous person that you long to be?

We all have a posse.  Maybe we don’t ride around on horses yelling “yee-haw” together, but we all have those people in our lives that we regularly surround ourselves with. Some members of my posse include my hubby, my girlfriends (also affectionately known as my “broad squad”), my parents and some work associates. These people play a part in my life that is more than just the casual acquaintance.

I’ve heard it said that we will all be judged by the company we keep. That is precisely why I do the very best that I can to surround myself with good people. I also preach this bit of truth to my sons because I think that the people that we associate with can do one of two things for us–they can either lift us higher or they can drag us down. I’ve had both types of people in my life and I’ve learned the hard way how difficult it can be to escape from those individuals whose purpose it seems to be to suck the life out of everyone around them. I’ve also learned how damaging to ones reputation and psyche it can be if one spends too much time in the company of people with questionable character or who are emotionally unstable.

I think that our closest circle of friends is a direct reflection of our own inner selves. I also believe that our closest associations can have a huge impact on shaping us into the people that we become–good or bad. Therefore, I think that it is SO important for us to pick and choose wisely when it comes to letting people into our FabYOUlous inner circle.

How about you? Who is in your posse? Do you have positive, upbeat people in your corner who will cheer you to success? Do the people that you spend time with make you want to be a better person, or do they drag you down to a level where you’d rather not be? Do they encourage your dreams and offer wisdom as you pursue them, or do they try to stifle your FabYOUlousness in order to keep you from shining brighter than they do? Do they help you to improve aspects of your life that are important to you, or do they thwart your attempts at self growth? As I stated earlier, I’ve had relationships with both kinds of people and I can assure you that surrounding yourself with positive, successful, compassionate and generous people will make a HUGE difference in your own life. You can’t be around people like that without having some of their sparkle rub off on you (and who doesn’t want more sparkle??) Unfortunately; the same is also true for negative, lazy, greedy, dishonest, crazy people. The more you associate with those types, the more you’ll start to think that you yourself are crazy, or worse, you’ll find yourself sinking to their level of incompetence.

Sometimes it can be excruciatingly hard to break away from people who are no good for us (trust me on this one–I’m an EXPERT!) but the break is absolutely necessary if we are ever going to truly live the FabYOUlous lives that we have been created to live. I saw a quote one time that I loved. I don’t know who originally said it but it says “I’m making some changes in my life so if you don’t hear from me, you can assume that you are one of them.”  

“ I’m making some changes in my life so if you don’t hear from me, you can assume that you are one of them —MELISSA VENABLE

Now, I suppose  this might be a little harsh for some–but at the same time, we must be absolutely diligent about protecting ourselves from the influence of people who are no good for us. Maybe you can’t exactly remove a person from your life all together (especially if that person is a family member or coworker) but you DO have the authority to limit your exposure to them. Exercise that authority and do it with the knowledge that you are doing so in an effort to create an even more FabYOUlous life for yourself.

As we think about the people who make up our posses, we would be remiss if we didn’t also think about the influence that we have upon those individuals. Our friends and family members deserve to be supported and uplifted just as much as we do, so it is our job to make sure that we are doing our part to share our FabYOUlousness with them as well. Surround yourself with people who lift you up–but don’t be the dead weight that keeps them down. I love to envision a water fountain that sprays support, love and encouragement to those close enough to to be caught in the spray. How much better it is to be the fountain than it is to be the drain that does nothing but suck the joy and FabYOUlousness out of the people who mean the most to us.

Sometimes when I talk about this subject, people misunderstand and think that what I’m suggesting sounds snobbish. I don’t agree with this assessment. I don’t believe that it is snobbish to only associate with certain types of people if we do it with the right intentions. I am not a snob; I am however, selective. I only have so much time and emotional energy to expend and I don’t want to spend those precious resources on people who aren’t going to be good for me. I know the kind of FabYOUlous person that I aspire to be and I want to surround myself with people who will support and believe in my greatest vision of myself. We may be called to love everyone and that’s fine…I just happen to believe that when it comes to the people who suck the life out of us, it is entirely possible (and advisable) to love them from AFAR.

So how about you? What is the makeup of your posse? Spend this week thinking about the people that you spend most of your time with. Are these people a reflection of the kind of person that you yourself want to be? Do they offer encouragement, support and wisdom? Do they have big visions for their own lives and want you to be a part of that vision? If not, it might be time for a little posse pruning.  Yes–it can sometimes be a painful process, but having the right kinds of relationships with the right kinds of people can make a HUGE difference in the quality of your life–and someone as FabYOUlous as you deserves nothing but the best!

Evaluating the quality of your relationships is one way to elevate the quality of your life, but you also need to be fully energized and have a good understanding of your core desires and beliefs. Click the box below to access two FREE ebooks that will help you to accomplish just that…