Remember your old high school pep rallies and how fired up everyone would get when the band started playing the school fight song? As a former cheerleader, I can remember being down on the sidelines and feeling the electricity surge through the crowd as the band played “our” song and the adrenaline rush that would propel our athletes to push harder and dig deeper out on the field.

If music has the power to energize and excite us–doesn’t it make sense that we should add music to our FabYOUlous Life toolbox? I know that when I’m running, working out, or just needing a jolt of motivation, I have certain songs that I play depending upon the type of feeling that I am trying to obtain. Here is a list of songs that I have compiled and listen to whenever I need a little help in firing up the FAB in my life. Some songs are poppy while some are hard and angry (yes, I fully believe in the power of positivity, but sometimes you just need a hard, angry song when it’s time to knuckle up and kick some butt on your goal).

As a disclaimer (and warning), those who know me well, know that I’ve always had rather “edgy” taste when it comes to music, so not all of these songs are appropriate for younger ears (in fact, most of them probably are not). They are however; TOTALLY appropriate when you are on mile 11 of a half-marathon and need some fire to power you through your last two miles. So, that being said…listen at your own risk and add the songs that get your blood pumping to your own “time to kick butt” play list.

One Step Closer by Linkin Park

Roar by Katy Perry

You’re Going Down by Sick Puppies

Baby I’m a Star by Prince

Light ’em Up by Fall Out Boy

Fight Song by Rachel Platten

Way of the Fist by Five Finger Death Punch (remember…NOT APPROPRIATE FOR KIDDOS!! You’ve been warned!)

Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars (because we need a little Bruno after Five Finger Death Punch!)

It’s My Life by Bon Jovi (and we always need a little JBJ)

Remember the Name by Fort Minor

Applause by Lady Gaga

Eye of the Tiger by Survivor

Take it Outside by Brantley Gilbert (I’m not a huge country music fan but there are a few songs that I like…this is one of them)

Till I Collapse by Eminem

Burn it to the Ground by Nickelback (okay–go ahead and crucify me if you must, but I actually really like Nickelback music)

Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins

Cryin’ Like a Bitch by Godsmack

Awake and Alive by Skillet

Titanium by David Guetta

Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys

10,000 Fists in the Air by Disturbed

Bodies by Drowning Pool

So What by Pink

Take my Life by Jeremy Camp

The Climb by Miley Cyrus

Don’t Stop Believing by Journey (totally cliche but still a good one)

Tonight by Kutless

Okay–now that you’ve got some tunes to crank when going gets tough, let’s also add some practical inspiration and suggestions for energizing your life. Click the box below to get TWO free ebooks, “50 FabYOUlous Ways to Energize Your Life” and “365 Questions to Help you Find Your Answers”

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A FabYOUlous life doesn’t just happen. You can hope for it and dream about it as much as you want, but eventually, you will have to put in some work and apply some self-discipline if you truly want to experience life to its fullest.

When I was at the lowest point in my life (struggling in a destructive marriage and battling a vicious eating disorder) it took more energy than I could muster just to get out of bed and get dressed for the day. I felt completely hopeless and it seemed as though I had a dark cloud of misery that followed me around 24/7.

Fortunately, at this time, I also had (as part of the treatment protocol for my eating disorder) a wonderful therapist that I met with on a regular basis. Without pulling any punches, this therapist lovingly pointed out to me that I was miserable because I was allowing myself to be miserable and that the only way that I would ever find joy again was if I were to start taking the steps necessary to stop swimming in my own sh!t. He compared me to a sad little goldfish swimming around in a cloudy bowl filled with filthy water that was contaminated with his own poo. Under those circumstances there was no chance that I was ever going to thrive. The only chance that I had at living a FabYOUlous life was to begin taking steps to start cleaning up my sh!t.

Now, at first, my poor wounded psyche didn’t much care for this assessment of my situation. I mean c’mon–rotten things had happened to me and I felt completely entitled to my misery. However; the more I started to think about what my therapist had said, the more those words began to empower me. If I truly was swimming in my own sh!t, that meant that I had some level of control over my situation. It meant that the choice to remain in my sh!tty little bowl or to start cleaning up my life was completely up to me.

It wasn’t easy and it certainly didn’t happen all at once, but little by little, I began to clean up my life. I didn’t yet have the emotional stamina to undertake any big changes, but I was able to begin implementing small, gradual changes that when compiled together, resulted in a drastic change in my circumstances.

As I look back on that difficult time in my life, it is hard for me to even recognize the person that I once was. Things are SO different now and my fish bowl is now an environment where I am truly able to grow and thrive…all because I began (one feeble step at a time) to take the necessary actions to clean up my sh!t.

To this day, I have a list of 10 daily disciplines that I stick to in order to keep my life on a FabYOUlous trajectory and to ensure that my bowl remains free of sh!t. I’ll add additional practices from time to time as they are needed, but these 10 behaviors are ones that I began incorporating into my life after that pivotal therapy session so long ago. They have become an automatic and ingrained part of my life and I know that they are, in large part, the reason that I’ve been able to successfully shift every aspect of my life from drab to FAB. You may find that some of these practices aren’t necessary for you or that you have other practices that work better for your situation. That’s fine. The behaviors themselves aren’t necessarily what’s important (though I do highly recommend each of these 10 practices), it’s the commitment to make the gradual and consistent steps to clean up your sh!t that’s important.

Your fishbowl might not clear up overnight, but with enough consistent effort, you will soon begin to find your way out of the sh!t and into a world of clarity that allows your FabYOUlousness to thrive.  Try these 10 Daily Disciplines for a FabYOUlous Life as a way to jump-start your transformation.

10 Daily Disciplines for a Fab-YOU-lous Life

1.) Limit negative intake. I rarely read the newspaper (other than the sports section to check on my Yankees or read the highlights from my son’s high school football game) nor do I watch the evening news. Despite this, I have never felt like I was out of the loop when something truly newsworthy happened in the world. If there is something that I genuinely need to know–the information always has a way of finding its way to me through social media, conversations with friends, email blasts etc. Instead, I’ve discovered that limiting my exposure to the “news” is really just limiting my exposure to overly sensationalized reports of murder, mayhem and tragedy and I am FINE with that. In his book, The Better Angels of our Nature (Viking Publishing, 2011), the author, Steven Pinker, makes an undeniable case that (despite what the news outlets would have you believe), violence has steadily declined worldwide since the beginning of civilization. Unfortunately, good news doesn’t sell, so good news isn’t what gets reported. I’ve made it a point to focus more fully on the FabYOUlous things happening around me and that means disciplining myself to filter out the negative.

2.) Engage in some kind of physical activity. We all know that a physical lifestyle is good for our bodies but it is also good for our emotional state. I am certainly not a workout nut, but I do try to engage in some sort of physical activity on a daily basis. Sometimes I run or ride my bike, other times I lift weights.  At the very least, I try to do my plank/wall sit routine every night (read more about my routine here). Not only does exerting myself physically on a regular basis help to keep my body toned, it also provides me with a boost of feel-good serotonin and a sense of accomplishment when I do five more push-ups than I did the week before.

3.) Review your long and short term goals. We all have goals that we hope to achieve. Some might take us a few days to accomplish while others might take a decade to reach. One thing is certain though–those goals will never become reality without the proper attention. I make it a point every day to do a quick mental review (no more than 2-3 minutes) of my personal and professional goals. Sometimes this quick review is enough to spark an idea that will help to propel me ever closer to one of my goals or give me an action step that I can take later that day. Even if that doesn’t happen; just taking the time to review my goals helps to keep those goals at the top of my awareness so that I am ever conscious of their value and always on the look out for ways to move closer to their achievement.

4.) Review your mission statement. If reading this has you scratching your head and saying “what mission statement?”, you need to read this. Be it personal or professional (or both!) we all need a mission statement to help keep us on track in life and to help guide us as we make daily choices that will either bring us closer to fulfilling our mission or move us farther away from it. Knowing your mission will make it easy for you to say no to things that don’t support you and will open your mind to possibilities that are supportive. I actually have the FabYOUlous Life mission statement posted at various locations around my home and office as well as on a post-it note in my wallet. This means that my mission is never far away and is always serving as a reminder of the things that are important to me. The mission of FabYOUlous Life is…

“to create meaningful programs, products, content and events that inspire, educate and empower women to live their most FabYOUlous lives”

5.) Feed your brain–nourish your mind. Just as it is important to keep bad stuff out of your brain, it is also important to put good stuff into your brain. My favorite way of nourishing my mind is through reading. I LOVE TO READ. I read for pleasure (my current guilty pleasure is The Black Dagger Brotherhood Series by J.R. Ward–love those sexy vampires) but I also read for personal development. Books like The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg (Random House, 2012), Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life by Brian Tracy (MJF, 2003) or Life is Good–the Book by Bert & John Jacobs (National Geographic Society, 2015) provide me with inspiring insight on how to be more productive, positive and purposeful in my both my personal and professional lives. When I’m not able to sit down and read, I utilize other methods to absorb this material. I use my Kindle’s “read to me” function (I do this every morning as I am getting ready for work), I listen to books on CD in my car or I use my iPhone to listen to relevant podcasts (three of my favorites include This is Your Life by Michael Hyatt, Breaking Free by Michelle Evans and The Charged Life by Brendan Burchard.) It doesn’t matter what method you use to acquire your daily dose of mental nourishment–it just matters that you are consistent in your efforts.

6.) Express Gratitude. Studies have shown that a grateful attitude provides numerous physical and emotional health benefits, and yet despite these findings, so many people still spend their days in an angry and depressed state. To ensure that I don’t become one of these sad individuals, I have made it a daily practice to list the many things for which I am grateful in my gratitude journal. This simple practice doesn’t take long, but it is one of my most favorite of my daily disciplines. I have found that when I express gratitude for all of my blessings, the universe responds by giving me even more things to be grateful for. For more information on the benefits of a daily gratitude practice and suggestions on how to incorporate more gratitude into your life, click here.

7.) Get some rest. I have thought to myself many times, I’d get so much more accomplished in life if I just didn’t need to sleep. Well, unfortunately–that’s just not how things work. We are not robots; we need rest in order to function at our highest level. Ideally, we need 7-8 hours of sleep each night and regular breaks throughout our days/weeks/months in order to refresh and reinvigorate. Don’t sell yourself short. If you need to turn in earlier at night in order to get your optimal number of hours of sleep, DO IT. If your job allows you two weeks of vacation annually, TAKE IT. If a Sunday afternoon nap in the backyard hammock is calling to you, HEED THE CALL. Of all of my daily disciplines, this one is the most difficult for me because I tend to be a night-owl by nature; still…I try every day to get adequate rest so that I can ensure that I am functioning to my highest potential.

8.) Spread kindness and cheer. Nothing brightens my day more than brightening the day of someone else. The world can be a hard and hurtful place sometimes but that doesn’t mean that you have to allow yourself to become hardened. Instead, strive to be a ray of light in an otherwise dark place. Make kindness a regular part of your daily routine. Smile and wave at your neighbor as you drive by, hold the door for a stranger, send a handwritten note to a friend that you haven’t seen in a while. These daily acts of kindness don’t need to be anything extravagant–they simply need to be sincere. Once you incorporate kindness as a daily discipline in your life, you’ll discover that being kind doesn’t just benefit the recipients of your kind gestures–YOU will reap enormous rewards as well.

9.) Plan ahead. As I mentioned in discipline #7, I am a night owl by nature. This means that I am NOT an early bird. I wish that I was one of those people who could joyfully spring out of bed at the crack of dawn, go for a five mile run, sip some tea and write five pages in my book, all before 7:00 AM but that’s just not me. Thankfully, I’ve made peace with my night owl tendencies and have learned how to make my mornings less harried by taking a few simple steps to prepare for them the night before. I lay out my outfit for the day, check my appointment book so that I’ll know what the day has in store and prepare my lunch. All of this often takes place at 11:00 PM or later, but by doing it before I finally hit the sack, I am ensuring that my morning will go much more smoothly and will therefore set a much better tone for the day.

10.) Connect with those who are most dear to you. One of my daily disciplines that I do every day during the week is to connect with my mom. I usually call her but sometimes I’ll text or Facebook message her. I love my mom and even though she lives in another state, I want to feel close to her and my dad. These daily phone calls help me to do that. I also want to feel closely connected to my husband and sons. These relationships are a bit easier to nurture simply because we all live in the same house, but proximity doesn’t always equal quality when it comes to personal interactions. I try to have meaningful conversations with both of my boys (which isn’t always easy to pull off, considering the fact that they are teenagers and boys) every day so that I can stay in the loop with what is important in their lives. Additionally, I try to have some dedicated time every day with my husband. My marriage is the most important relationship in my life and I want my husband to know just how much I treasure him and our time together. Sometimes we’ll go for a bike ride together, other times we’ll just snuggle up and veg out to Netflix. Staying connected to loved ones is easier than ever before thanks to the proliferation of social media, text messaging, Skype etc. This daily discipline ensures that I never get too “busy” to take care of that which is most important in my life–my relationships with the people that I love.

As I mentioned earlier, these disciplines may or may not be applicable to your situation. The value lies not so much in these particular practices, but in the ability to consciously think about and apply daily disciplines that move you forward personally and professionally. By adapting a set of daily disciplines into your life, you’ll soon discover that your fishbowl is clear and you are able to thrive in an environment that is free of self-made sh!t. You’ll discover that self discipline is the true key to a life.

When it comes to weddings, I’m pretty traditional. I prefer unity candles over the newly popular sand ceremonies and I have no issues with a woman taking her husband’s last name. I always get teary when the preacher finally says “you may kiss your bride” and I adore cute little flower girls and ring bearers. I also appreciate the simplicity and sincerity of the traditional wedding vows where husbands and wives promise to love each other for better or worse, through sickness and in health and for richer or for poorer. I do however feel that these vows lack a bit of practicality when it comes to actually living with and loving one person for the rest of your life. Though I recited these very traditional vows myself when I married my Superman, I now feel like they were somewhat insufficient and I have a few additions that I would now include…

I vow to love you just the way you are while encouraging you to grow into the person that you want to become

I fell in love with my husband just the way he was. We were together for over three years before tying the knot so I had plenty of time to figure out that he wasn’t perfect. Still, I loved him. I’d been married before to a man who couldn’t love me for the person that I was and instead constantly tried to change me into someone that I wasn’t. When I left that marriage, I swore that I would never be with anyone who couldn’t love me exactly the way I was and that I in turn, would reciprocate that same kind of love. My Superman doesn’t need to justify his love of WWE Wrestling to me nor does he need to worry about me leaving him when he freaks out over something that I think is no big deal (I know that this only happens on rare occasions and it is usually when he is already tired or overwhelmed by other matters).  I also appreciate the fact that while he is confident in who he currently is, my man also has goals and aspirations that he’d still like to achieve. These are goals that are important to him, not expectations that I have placed upon him. I want to be his biggest cheerleader as he pursues his goals and yet also want him to know that I love him absolutely and completely just the way he is. I love and appreciate the fact that he does the same for me.

I vow to be an equal partner to you and to share your burdens and your joys

I have no problem working hard and pulling my fair share of the weight in a relationship. I love that my husband is a hard worker too. Nothing can suck the life out of a relationship faster than one partner feeling that they are 100% responsible for keeping things afloat. Whether it is financially, socially or emotionally–relationships only work when both partners are committed to giving 100%. It simply isn’t fair to expect one person to carry the weight of the entire relationship for an extended period of time. Obviously there may be times (during an illness or a busy season at work) where greater responsibilities might shift temporarily onto one partner. However; I vow that my husband will never feel like he is going it alone when it comes to our relationship. I will pull my weight financially, around the house, in creating a fun and adventurous social life for us and when it comes to raising our children. I’ve experienced the stress and loneliness of trying to manage everything on my own. I appreciate the fact that my husband now shares the burdens of life with me and I promise to do the same for him. This also means that we can share equally in the joys that our relationship brings. We are a team and we both give 100% to ensure that we are a winning team.

I vow to shout your strengths from the rooftop but discuss your shortcomings in private

My husband is awesome. Just ask any of my friends–they’ll tell you. The reason they’ll tell you is because I tell them. I never want my husband to worry about what I’m saying about him behind his back. Instead, I always want him to feel like I have his back. I want to be not just respectful when speaking about my husband–I want to be downright effusive as I sing his praises. He is a good man. I am beyond blessed to have him and I want the world to know that I know that. This does not however mean that he is perfect. He is not. If there are issues that I have with my husband, I vow to take those up with only my husband and a counselor should the need arise. I will NOT go around bad mouthing my man. I will not poke fun at him if it is in any way hurtful to him. I will build him up in the presence of others and I will keep his vulnerabilities, insecurities and fears under lock and key. I vow that I will not become on of those wives who do nothing but complain about their husbands to anyone who will listen. He deserves far better than that.

I vow to love the people you love because you love them

When I married Superman, I lucked out because I also got a beautiful stepdaughter, amazing in-laws and a slew of great new friends. These people are all (thankfully) very easy to love. There are however; a few individuals that came along with the “package deal” that I find to be a little questionable.  I have decided that the best way to deal with these individuals is to simply love them because he loves them. Even if I find them to be strange or…well, let’s just leave it at strange…I respect the fact that my husband has a history with them and that he finds them (for whatever reason) to be endearing. Thankfully, I don’t have to live with these individuals on a daily basis, nor do I feel threatened or unsafe around them (that would be another issue all together); so…because I love my husband, I also choose to be loving to the people that are important to him. Besides…Lord knows that he does the same with a few of my friends.

I vow to allow you your freedom within the constructs of our union

No–this does not mean that my husband is free to hook up with another woman nor does it mean that he is free to treat me poorly. It does however mean that I understand the fact that though our lives are now forever intertwined; we are still individuals with individual thoughts, beliefs and interests.  I vow to support my husband’s right to have his own opinions–even if/when they differ from mine. I also know that my husband is a good and honorable man so I support his right to engage in activities (hello “Boys Night Out”) that do not involve me. I want my husband to feel like our marriage expands his world rather than restricts it. I do not want to be the old “ball and chain”. I want him to know that he is absolutely free to be himself…after all, that is the person that I fell in love with.

I vow to take the necessary measures to keep myself emotionally and physically strong so that you will never feel like it is your responsibility to “save” me or “complete” me

I know that the whole “you complete me” bit is a romantic notion, but I DO NOT believe that it is a healthy one. No one should ever be saddled with the burden of completing or saving someone else. I absolutely vow that I will never expect my husband to complete me. We are not placed on this earth to complete each other but instead to complement each other. I will do whatever I need to do to keep myself emotionally and physically healthy so that I can be the best wife possible. A needy wife is NOT a good wife. I believe that my husband and I are already fully complete in and of ourselves. There are no “holes” that I am looking for my husband to fill. Instead; we are both competent, strong and vibrant individuals who, when joined together, create a synergy and love that burns brighter than we are capable of producing on our own. By taking responsibility for my own emotional and physical health; I eliminate a potential burden that my husband would otherwise have to bear. Yes–if I’m sick, I’ll let him baby me (he does it well) and when I need to move something heavy, I will let him flex his muscles. Overall though, I vow not to need my husband because need is not love. Of course we will do nice things to help each other–that’s one of the great perks of marriage. However; allowing my husband to occasionally take care of me; is light years away from needing him to do so. One is a joyful service–the other is a suffocating oppression. If ever there does come a time when one of us truly does need the other to take care of the other (due to prolonged illness, disability etc.); I believe that we will have the strength and resiliency to do so because we have not been worn down by years of dealing with incessant and unnecessary neediness.

I vow not to set the DVR to record a chick flick over the top of the big game that you thought you were recording

What can I say…all relationships require a bit of sacrifice. Besides…The Notebook will likely be aired a thousand more times before the end of the month whereas the Broncos/Patriots game will not.  

These vows sure don’t sound as romantic or flowery as traditional wedding vows and yet, I think that they are good ones to make whether we actually state them out loud or not. How about you?  Did you write your own vows when you married or did you repeat the traditional vows? Are there any additional vows that you think should be added?  Vow today to put a little extra thought into your marriage. Even the tiniest bit of effort can help to make your union even more FabYOUlous.

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