Valentine’s Day is here and Fifty Shades of Grey is hitting the big screen. I don’t know about you, but to me this sounds like it is the perfect time to add a little sizzle to the romance department.
Don’t worry–I’m not about to suggest investing in whips and ball gags (unless of course that’s what you’re into–then by all means…have at it) but I am suggesting that Valentine’s Day might just be the perfect time for us to step a tiny bit outside of our nice, safe comfort zones and give our significant others a holiday that they won’t soon forget.
If you’re thinking to yourself “you have GOT to be kidding me”–I feel ya! Trust me–when it comes this kind of racy stuff, my personal comfort zone is about the size of a hula hoop…a very, very small hula hoop. Anything outside of that zone makes me blush and want to dive under the covers (even though I’m most likely clothed head to toe in fleecy pajamas anyhow.) My poor husband chuckles at the way I scramble to cover up if (God forbid) the lights come on while I’m undressing and I get flustered just walking through a Victoria’s Secret store.
So, I get it. Doing something daring or (gasp) risque can be incredibly intimidating for many of us. This can be especially true for those of us who have ever battled (or are still battling) issues surrounding our body image. I mean–shopping for a swimming suit is torture enough right? Do we really have to step even further outside of our hula hoop?
Here’s the thing though…taking the sizzle up a notch in our relationship isn’t something that only benefits our significant other–it can be incredibly empowering for us as well.
I experienced this first hand when I suffered a bout of temporary insanity and decided to do a boudoir photo shoot for my husband. I honestly have no clue what on earth prompted my modest/self conscious self to sign up for the shoot but once I signed up (which required a non-refundable down payment) I knew that I was going to have to go through with it. Let me tell you–signing up for the shoot was easy…showing up for the shoot was HARD.
Fortunately, I happened to be friends with the photographer so that helped IMMENSELY. She put me at ease and we only did shots that I was relatively comfortable with (none of my photos require a black censor bar). As the shoot progressed I found myself loosening up a bit and actually having fun (though my suggestion for boudoir photographers would be to serve Margaritas during the shoot–alcohol definitely would have helped). My husband is a guitar player and loves sports so we incorporated one of his guitars and some sports equipment into the shots. The above shot with the guitar is probably the raciest photo from the shoot–but as you can see, nothing shows other than my back. If you want to see a couple more shots, you can click here to go to the “About Me” page which has two more mild photos in the sidebar.
When it was finally time for me to view the proofs from my shoot, I was a nervous wreck. What was I (the forty-something year old woman with the figure of a twelve year old boy) really expecting to see? Well…it was amazing. Instead of a shy, body conscious nervous nelly, the photos showed a confident, radiant woman who appeared to be having fun. I could hardly believe that the photos were actually me. My photographer was somehow able to put me at ease and coax me into fun poses while she seemed to magically capture just the right shots. I will certainly never grace the pages of Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit issue (not that I’d want to–oh okay, that’s a lie–of course I’d want to but I’m trying to keep it real here) but the photos revealed a side of myself that I rarely ever let out to play. The photos showed someone who appeared to be strong, flirty and dare I say it…sexy.
When I presented the album with my shots to my husband I had another near panic attack–I mean, what if he didn’t like them?!? That would be the ultimate wrecking ball to my already fragile self esteem. Here’s a little secret though ladies…our men love us and they especially love us when we are naked. Where we see cellulite or flab–they see their beautiful wife…naked. When we think about jiggling in the wrong places or (as in my case) not jiggling in the right places–they just see their beautiful wife…naked. They don’t tally up our flaws or worry about stretch marks–they’re just happy that we are, you guessed it…naked. They love us, protect us and provide for us. There is nothing wrong with letting them desire us as well.
My experiment with boudoir photography certainly added some spice to my marriage but it did more than that. It also helped me to embrace the fearless and sensual parts of my self that genuinely enjoy being a woman. It made me realize that a good photographer and great lighting can do wonders for a woman’s self esteem and it helped me understand the value of being vulnerable within a loving, supportive relationship. My day of “rockin’ what I’ve got” didn’t just rock my husband’s world–it rocked mine as well.
If boudoir photography isn’t something that you are interested in–that’s fine. There are SO many other ways that we can turn up the heat in our relationship while also turning up our own confidence level. Try sending sexy text messages throughout the day and then enjoy feeling like a goddess when your man pounces on you when he gets home. Rent a steamy movie to watch together (it doesn’t have to be porn–there are plenty of other good choices out there) or read him a few passages from Fifty Shades of Grey. It might also be fun to peruse the aisles of an adult toy store (or if that is WAY too far out of your comfort zone–like it is for me–you can discreetly visit my friend Amanda’s online store at www.goodielockboxxx.net). You don’t have to do anything crazy or outlandish or anything that makes you truly uncomfortable–just try tip toeing outside of your comfort zone hula hoop a tiny bit–your relationship will thank you and you’ll feel FabYOUlous as you reap the rewards.
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