I don’t remember where I first heard the term “masturdate” but I absolutely love it. I love it because 1.) it’s a funny play on words that cracks me up and 2.) it is something that might seem a little strange and awkward at first, but eventually feels sooo good.
Oh come on—this site is rated PG (or PG-13 at the very least)…get your mind out of the gutter (wink!)
Masturdating is essentially, the process of going out on dates with yourself so that you can learn to enjoy your own company. The important aspect of this is that when I say dates, I mean dates, not errands. Running to the bank, grocery store and dry cleaners by yourself is not a date—going out for a nice dinner (with wine) and then seeing a movie that you’ve been looking forward to is.
At first, many people have a hard time dating themselves. They feel strange sitting alone in a crowded restaurant or buying a single ticket to a concert because they don’t want people feeling sorry for them and thinking that they can’t get a real date. I only have one thing to say about this…GET OVER IT. Don’t let the initial feelings of awkwardness or worry over what other people are thinking of you (because newsflash—most people aren’t thinking of you) stop you from the joy and pleasure that is masturdating.
Just like in traditional dating scenarios when two people are learning about each other and trying to discover what makes the other person tick in the hopes of finding a love-match, masturdating does the same but on a solo level. Masturdating is all about spending time in your own company so that you can rediscover all of the things that you enjoy and love about yourself.
Not only is masturdating an eye-opening experience that helps us to reconnect with the activities that we enjoy, it also allows us the opportunity to experiment with new things without the worry of needing to please or impress another person. We are able to try new restaurants or experiences knowing full well that if we don’t like them, we can get up and walk out without anyone judging us. On the flip side, if we discover a quaint little bookstore that we love, we can spend as much time as we want wandering the aisles without worrying about anyone getting impatient with us. By going on a date with ourselves, we are taking full responsibility for our own happiness and enjoyment, and in doing so, sending a powerful message to our psyches that we matter and that our pleasure is important.
In addition to the pleasure factor, masturdating has other benefits of a more spiritual kind. When we invest time and energy into our own enjoyment and lovingly treat ourselves with kindness and respect, we attract more of those enjoyable and loving feelings to us. When we put forth the effort to “woo” ourselves and shower ourselves with attention, we demonstrate to the universe that we are worthy of adoration—to which the universe responds by bringing us more opportunities to feel cherished and adored. It’s a cycle that once you get on, you’ll never want to get off.
Often when I talk about masturdating, people will assume that this is something that is only meant for singles—not for people who are happily coupled up. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am happily married to the world’s greatest guy and still, I masturdate every chance I get. Sure—my honey and I go out on wonderful dates together and invest time in our relationship; but…going to yarn stores or quaint coffee shops just isn’t his jam, so I spare him the agony of these activities and happily pursue them on my own. I firmly believe that having a solid, foundational relationship with oneself is the critical bedrock upon which all other relationships are built. Only by valuing and loving ourselves are we able to truly value and love others. Plus–when we develop a strong sense of respect for ourselves, we will learn not to tolerate anyone who gives us less than we know that we deserve. Therefore, masturdating helps us to establish the boundaries and standards necessary for us to enjoy rewarding relationships with others.
Okay—now that I’ve convinced you of the value of masturdating, it’s time to go to it. Here are a few suggestions to get you started…
- Go see that movie that you’ve been wanting to see but haven’t been able to convince anyone else to go to. While you’re there, be sure to buy yourself a large popcorn and a box of Junior Mints—this is a date afterall.
- Pack a picnic basket (complete with a bottle of wine), grab a blanket and a good book and head to a park. Spend the afternoon nibbling, drinking, reading, resting and people watching. Give yourself bonus points if you leave your smartphone at home.
- Spend a day at the beach (or in the mountains, at a lake etc.) Get some sun and fresh air (and maybe a little exercise if you throw in a hike or swim)
- Take a class that interests you—pottery, website design, genealogy, photography…whatever flips your switch.
- Enjoy breakfast out of bed. Grab the crossword puzzle from the newspaper and head out to breakfast by yourself. Enjoy some pancakes and OJ with a side order of peace & quiet.
The opportunities for masturdating are only limited by your imagination. Basically, anything that you might normally do with another person is an opportunity to masturdate. Lose your inhibitions, do a little experimentation and allow yourself to experience all of the FabYOUlous pleasure that comes from masturdation, you’ll be so glad that you did.